Don’t they though? Kids are hilarious. I couldn’t really think of a decent blog post to put up, because I am incredibly lazy/busy and have spent my entire Spring Break cross-stitching like the complete nerd I am (also watching Supernatural, which only promotes the nerd-self-image).
I’m a dance teacher, which is essentially like being a pre-school teacher, but with music and loud things like tap shoes or maracas. Whoever decided it was a good idea to give a group of 3-4 year olds maracas AND tap shoes clearly did not have my sanity in mind. I also have twenty 5 year olds with cardboard surfboards, another idea that was, again, not thought through AT ALL. When I’m not yelling at small children to stand on their numbers (for those of you not part of the dance world, we put number stickers on the floor that serve as spot holders for the kids) I am either tying shoes, running errands for the teachers, or taking kids to the bathroom. I also am the go-to person when someone is crying, (teachers or kids, hahahahhahaa no seriously) and I end up picking up messes too.
To get to my point, my job, plus my gig as a babysitter, leaves me with quite hilarious stories about kids, who really do say the darnedest things ever.
When I was babysitting last Friday, the little girl (one of my dance girls) had a blanket wrapped around her and looked at me deadly serious and said “I am a baby vampire!!” before jumping on me and sucking on my arms for five minutes straight, while giggling like a maniac. The same kid told me a few weeks earlier (during dance class) while looking me straight in the eyes, her nose right up by mine, “I’m going to suck all the blood from your body.” I’m pretty sure that having an 8 year old brother is messing with this poor kid’s head. Either that or she and her family are vampires.
Another little girl (keep in mind these kids are wearing cute tu-tus when all these situations occur, ok?) was holding my hand and gave me a hug and then told me, “Miss Grace, I want you to come home with me forever, I can shove you in my trunk and you can drive home with me!” and I laughed a little and then she said, “or you can ride up front with my dad.” SHE’S FOUR.
In my baby class, the youngest age I teach, we have a little girl with her brother doing tap with us, they are the cutest kids, and I truly do adore them, because they are the cutest freakin’ things you’ll EVER see. While lined up for a dance, the little girl stood behind the boy (he has really poofy afro-like hair) and he looked at me and shrieked “Miss Grace, Pheobe’s eating my hair!!” and the other teacher and I looked at them and asked Pheobe if she was eating her brother’s hair because she was hungry, and she pulled a clump of his hair out of her mouth, placed it in my hand, and said, “No, I eat food.”
One time three little girls were fighting over my lap when we were going to sit and watch a dance, and one little girl said to me, “You need to grow more legs.” Which, obviously, is the best option in that situation.
Other crazy things kids have done to me is slap my butt (repeatedly), kiss my eyes (????), stick their hand in my bra (she was three and that cleavage must have looked rather inviting), peed on my shoe (I wish I was joking), rubbed their hands all over my (rather stubbly) legs and shouted “WHY IS IT SO SCRATCHY?” and sneezed in my mouth.
I’m like shuddering remembering some of those. I have gotten sick so much from teaching little kids, my doctor said there was nothing to prevent it, kids are gross and filled with germs. So that’s just wonderful.
I’m sure I have plenty of more stories, these are all just fairly recent, since I am so brain-dead from being with the kids all week that I can’t remember past like a few months ago.
So I know at least a few people are following me, so talk to me people, I like you guys (I lied. I love you. All of you. Passionately.) so drop me a line (or a comment) and talk to me about stuff. Kids, funny stories, random things going on in your life, in your fandom, etc. Let me know if you find my obsessive use of parentheses annoying (I sure hope not), and do me a favor and check out my good friend Matthew’s blog and follow him!! He’s going to China this summer and is blogging about his travel adventures and preparations.
Okay, I’ll think of some real posts soon, but until I do, have at it leaving me some comments. Peace out, my homies.